Messages of Love
It was late September 2020, nearly a month after Ranger had crossed over, and my boyfriend and I were coming to the end of the season at the campground we were staying in near Delaware Water Gap. We were trying to figure out where we were going to go next in our RV, and after researching many places in the NY/NJ/PA area, I kept coming back to a campsite that could house us during the Winter near the Jersey Shore. I felt that I was hearing Ranger prompt us to go to this particular campsite. My boyfriend had lots of arguments for not going to this campsite, but I felt sure that it was were Ranger wanted us to be.
We came to Pine Cone Resort on November 1, 2020 and stayed there for 6 months. At the end of our time there, I knew with such gratefulness inside that Ranger truly had meant for us to come there. During the time we were there, Ranger sent so many messages of love from the other side. The messengers Ranger sent before we arrived at Pine Cone I write about in Insects, Butterflies and Dragonflies, and in The Grief Walk and the Spirit Walk.
Messengers
Doggies
His first message came through our neighbor's dog Cuda. Cuda would come and greet us with such enthusiasm and joy each morning as we would come out into our campsite yard. One day Cuda lay down on my boyfriend's foot in just the same position that Ranger would. Shortly after Cuda lay down, a Daddy Long Legs with disproportionately long legs and big belly appeared and walked all the way around the perimeter of Cuda. My boyfriend and I just look at each other...Ranger. If you read my stories on Insects, Dragonflies and Butterflies you'll understand the significant of Ranger and the Daddy Long Legs with big bellies. In the 6 months we were at the camp, we never saw another Daddy Long Legs, or another spider for that matter, the entire time we were there.
Another neighbor's dog, Buddy, came to meet us the first week we were there. I had only briefly known Buddy when one day as I'm walking hundreds of yards away in the back of the campground, I hear this dog letting out a piercing bark from far away. I look around and I can see no dog, and then off in the distance I see Buddy standing with his owner, and Buddy is pointed at my direction looking my way. He barks again and again, and I start to realize that he is barking at me. I start to walk towards him and his barking grows more intense - he wants me to come over to him. To this day, I don't understand why Buddy was so intent on my coming over to see him when I hardly knew this dog, and I was hundreds of yards away. I felt that even though I couldn't really understand this, that Ranger somehow had a hand in this.
Within the week after we arrived, my boyfriend runs over to me breathless outside the RV, and exclaims that he's totally freaked out - that he just saw Ranger running by the RV while he was sitting down to breakfast. But it couldn't have been Ranger. That is how we first came to meet our across-the-road neighbor's dog, Cinnamon. Cinnamon is a Staffordshire Terrier just like Ranger, with the same coloring and markings - only a little more red in color and about 20lbs heavier. Cinnamon became one of my largest messages of love from Ranger, and I write about my friendship and bond with her in my upcoming post, Walking Cinnamon.
I had no intentions of walking a dog at this camp, but it was meant to be, and Cinnamon and I ended up walking with each other for 4 months. My walks with Cinnamon were so profound and beautiful, and I always felt Ranger's presence with us - sometimes I felt that he would express himself through Cinnamon. Cinnamon would turn around and smile at me just the way Ranger would on a walk, and every time I asked Ranger to please speak through Cinnamon, she would lift her leg to pee like a boy or start happy crazily munching on grass. I found out later from her owner, that Cinnamon does at times lift her leg to pee like a boy dog, and of course every dog likes to munch on grass from time to time - but the synchronicity of my asks of Ranger to express himself and the immediate gusto in which Cinnamon would start peeing like a boy or gobbling up as much grass as she could always left me with the feeling that Ranger is always listening, and showed himself through her. Cinnamon gave me a great gift by coming into my life, I felt that I was able to include Ranger in our times together, and getting to know this precious and silly girl was a tremendous gift - she made me laugh and smile every single day. I know that it was no accident that she looked so much like Ranger, and that she came into my life when she did.
Cardinals & the Red Tanager
I had always heard about cardinals having significance of those who had passed on being close to you, when you see a cardinal. But I had never experienced this myself in such an overwhelming way until we moved to Pine Cone 2 months after Ranger passed on. Every morning while there I would take a spirit walk with Ranger - a walk around the campground perimeter where I would talk with Ranger, listen to nature and take a walking meditation. Each time I was either talking to Ranger deep from my heart or crying about him, a cardinal would pass right in front of me on the dirt road and land in a tree branch near where I was. This happened so many times I can't even put a number to it. The synchronicity of my communication from my heart and the appearance of a cardinal was undeniable. The cardinal would often look at me from the tree branch it had landed on for a few moments and then fly off. I had a couple of very extraordinary cardinal experiences that I would like to detail here.
On one morning's walk, I was in the depths of grief over not having Ranger physically by my side anymore, at some point in the walk I went to a section of the campsite that is edged by deep woods on 3 sides and sat down at a picnic bench and just let my tears flow. As I was crying, I also noticed that the woods seemed to drop to a perceptible level of total and complete quiet - there were no bird sounds or sounds of any kind emanating from the woods, and I remember thinking to myself the sudden silence seemed kind of strange. And then the sound of a bird pierced the silence. I didn't bother looking around to see the bird at first, but then it kept up its song, insistently - and I started to notice a feeling inside that said 'this bird is singing for me, and to me'. I looked up to where the bird was and it was a cardinal on a tree to my right - at the perimeter of the woods. The cardinal was looking right down at me. It continued its song whilst staring at me - I knew in that moment that this bird was a messenger from Ranger. My tears turned into a feeling of joy and comfort in this moment, as I realized that Ranger, once again was letting me know that he is always with me.
On the penultimate day of our stay at the Pine Cone Resort, I went on my usual morning spirit walk. This morning I was thanking Ranger for all the beautiful messages of love he had blessed us with, from all our new doggy friends, to the visitations by him, to all the cardinals he had sent to me. As I'm standing in a section of the woods there that I felt was quite magical expressing my gratitude to Ranger - two red cardinals swooped down together from the left in front of me and landed a short distance away on a low branch of a tree. They stayed there for a few moments and then continued on further into the woods by the bog, staying within my sight for several minutes.
Shortly after arriving at our next campsite in Newton, NJ, I had more experiences with cardinals visiting me. I was sitting in our campsite yard meditating in my 'throne' chair - and I heard the flap of wings right behind me on the right side of the chair. I turned to the right and a cardinal was flying right behind my chair and flew up to a branch in a tree a few yards away. The cardinal turned to look at me for several moments and then flew away. I was on my morning walk in the campground we moved to, and again a cardinal flew right in front me on the path and landed in a nearby tree, turning to look at me. The morning after on the walk, two red cardinals again flew right before me on the path and landed on a nearby tree. The next morning on my spirit walk, a scarlet Red Tanager crossed right in front of me on the path and landed in a nearby branch - it stayed in this branch for several minutes looking at me. I talked to the Tanager while standing there, thanking it so much for its visit - I truly felt like the bird was hearing me. I feel such incredible gratitude and peace for these bird messengers of love, it is an incredible gift and comfort to the soul.
The next time you are walking in nature, try opening your heart in expression to the one you love who has passed on - and just see what winged messenger of love comes to you...
Butterfly
If you've read my post Insects, Butterflies and Dragonflies you'll know how significant the messengers of butterflies have been in Ranger's love story to me, shortly before he passed and then exuberantly in the months after his crossing.
We had arrived in our new campsite, and were taking a break after setting everything up in our trailer. We were sitting out in our camp yard, when a large lemon-yellow monarch butterfly flew right at my boyfriend seated in his chair, and then flew up and over him - flew around the truck several times, and then flew around our campsite a few times before flying off. Both my boyfriend and I were so joying and grateful, we knew this was Ranger saying 'I am with you!' I knew the lemon yellow monarch was a message of love for us in our arrival here, as the week before Ranger passed, I was sitting with him lying in my lap in this exact same campsite, and a large blue monarch butterfly alighted right before us on the gravel. It kept flying up and then landing right before us, over and over again for 10 minutes or more. Its behavior was so atypical of a butterfly that I noticed it at the time as being abnormal insect behavior, but it wasn't until Ranger passed that I really understood the significance of that beautiful blue butterfly messenger on that day.
Note: Just this morning, May 17, I experienced the cardinal again during my morning meditation. I was sitting in the chair outside and I heard the rush of wings right behind me - I turned around a cardinal was flying right into the back of the chair, almost touching it, and then it turned around and flew back out to a branch on a tree a number of yards away. Amazing! I am so grateful and thankful...
Visits & Visions
Visitations
Ranger has visited many many times while awake, during dreams and upon just waking. I've also had countless visions of him during the day, and of the place I believe he's in and different colored crystals that inhabit the place he's in.
I've recorded all of the visitations and visions in my journal since Ranger crossed over, and will talk about a few here.
The night that Ranger passed on, we returned to our RV, so empty and shaken and disoriented. We sat down at our kitchen table in silence - and the silence in the space was unbearable. It wasn't too long after we sat down that we both felt Ranger come into the RV. The best way I can describe it is that I felt his heavy viscous form walk through the trailer, AND pass through me. I will never forget this and am so deeply grateful that we were able to feel him so soon after crossing over. I have never in the time since that night felt that heaviness of form from Ranger - his presence and visits have gotten lighter and lighter in energy as time passes.
Only a few weeks after Ranger passed, I had to return to the home in Malta, NY where we spent the last 5 years together, to pack up all our belongings. Most of the 4 days I was there were spent in such deep and consuming grief and sobbing. I felt so empty in that home that had been so full and warm for all of us, and I did not feel Ranger's presence at all and that made me feel even more despairing and black. The only time I wasn't crying was one afternoon when I was upstairs trying to take apart my bed frame - the tears stopped so I could intently focus on dealing with an obstinate screw. As I was focusing on the job at hand, I suddenly felt Ranger's presence so fully and deeply in the room that I knew he was there with me. I can't really put into words what I experienced, except to say that you know the feeling of your loved one's presence when you see them with you - and this is exactly what I felt, I could feel him with me as solidly as if he was there in the flesh. I stopped what I was doing and talked with him and thanked him so much for being there with me. This moment was my first insight into understanding that sometimes the heaviness of our grief blocks our communication with spirit, and that the best way to connect with the energy of spirit is to let go - to rely on seeing out of the corner of our eye, to relax, to let our other inner senses take over.
Both my boyfriend and I have smelled Ranger's poop from the afterlife. This experience only happened once for me, but with my boyfriend it has happened several times. I talk a little more about this afterlife sign from Ranger as I experience it in Poop Scent from the Afterlife.
When Ranger comes to me during a dream, I usually wake up right after and feel his presence in my bedroom. In the 2 or 3 month period after he passed, I would often see him looking at me very intently as I woke up.
In a particularly wonderful visitation shortly after he had passed, Ranger and I were in this beautiful landscape with these magical mountains in the background. Both he and I were scrambling up cliffs together (something we'd do in our time in this dimension too). There was a particularly steep cliff in the visitation and both of us were having some trouble getting up it. He then ran down the hillside and at full speed, turned a corner and then ran up towards me. He did this several times - running down the hill, turning the corner and then running up, and I truly had the feeling he was saying "Look Mom, I am totally healthy and able to run up and down this hillside and full speed no problem!" I could tell he was enjoying himself immensely, just running. On about the third loop around he ran towards the cliff and scrambled up successfully. I was so happy for him and proud of him.
In another dream visitation, Ranger and I met in the nighttime forest under a full moon (it was actually the full moon on that day). He was grazing at the edge of the forest and I was just standing with him. The visit was crystal clear, I saw Ranger very very clearly, I saw the moon and the forest clearly - and the feeling was one of such deep peace, with Ranger and I being together, sharing each other's company as we had just in life, in that moonlit scape.
In another visitation, I was only quasi-asleep on the couch, when I saw Ranger and I again at night-time lying together on the forward section of a sailboat. The sea was obsidian black, and the matching sky was dotted with starlight. Ranger was smiling a very big smile as we just lay together, sailing through the night. This vision persisted for quite a long time, and even as I was fully awake on the couch I could still see us sailing through the night and the giant smile on his face. Happy happy boy...
One night my boyfriend and I both had visitations from Ranger one right after the other. My visitation was first, around 4am. It was a very straightforward visit of walking Ranger and then us standing in a room together with Ranger in front of me, but just out of arm's reach. The visit was so normal, so simple and so clear. The sensation of being in his presence and walking him was just as full and real as it had been in life. My boyfriend then had a dream visitation of Ranger a few hours later in the morning while he was sleeping (he was really sleeping in that morning!) In his visitation, Ranger was running ahead of him and my boyfriend kept running after him to catch up to him, just as my boyfriend was about to touch him, Ranger would run off again. We found at that evening over dinner about our sequential Ranger visits - we were both amazed that Ranger visited us one right after the other!
I had a dream visitation recently where Ranger was patiently waiting for us in a dark kitchen. We didn't know he was there as we came into the house - and it was only after we went into the bedroom that I just knew inside that Ranger was in the kitchen waiting for us. I ran into the kitchen and he was lying there sphinx pose (a favorite pose of his!), patiently waiting for us. I just really remember the feeling of his deep patience, he was waiting for us to find him. I cradled his beautiful head in my arms, feeling his golden warm fur and feeling the deep fulfillment inside of me that only holding Ranger can bring me. We then got ready to go on a walk together and headed down the stairs. He was completely healthy, completely normal and I could swear we had really been together when I woke up...
Visions
What really is the difference between a visitation and a vision? For me, a visitation is a full blown real experience of being with Ranger - and it happens during the night. Visions for me, happen when I'm awake and they're usually fleeting, and the most prone to immediate debate of their validity from my critical mind!
I write about one of my visions of the golden orb, in the story The Story of the Gold Orb. My visions usually involve seeing Ranger for quick flashes in a garden, or just ahead of me on a path, or of some stone or imagery from where my animals are in the afterlife. Early on, I had many many visions of Ranger just looking at me - I could be walking down the street, or working or doing housework and all of a sudden I would see Ranger just looking at me - intently.
A couple of times I've had dreams about stones. The first vision I saw a magnificent grouping of aquamarine crystals all by a waterfall. I ended up buying some aquamarine crystals to go in Ranger's spirit garden. Lately, I've been seeing these pastel shade crystals all over the garden where Ranger is. So, I just ordered some pastel crystals to go in the campsite garden!
Lately, I've been seeing/feeling Ranger around our campsite - these experiences are very intense. I sense him so absolutely clearly and presently, that I am left in a place of disbelief that he's not here physically. Truthfully, I've been struggling a bit with these sensations - I get into lots of debates in my head as to whether it's the intensity of memory springing up in me of the times we spent here before he passed on, or if Ranger is transmitting these sensations to me. I am also coming to the understanding that debate with myself is fruitless and yields very little, and that rather acceptance of my perceptions is the best way to honor my truth and make space for my intuition. I guess the other reason these perceptions have been troubling, is that it makes me feel that that other world is also right here - perhaps layered on top of this world. This makes me feel just slightly out of step - like I can totally feel the other world, but because it doesn't align with what I see in the physical reality, I feel like I have to dismiss one experience or the other. So there feels to be a bit of dissonance in my experience lately of the physical and other dimension - it's as if I'm realizing that Heaven is not there and Earth is here - that these dimensions are actually an integrated experience that we can have all the time.
I write this post not to convince anyone of afterlife existence, but rather to honor my truth, my experiences and to honor and celebrate Ranger as I feel he continues to communicate with me and guide me.
May 15, 2021
The Great Divide Campsite, Newton NJ