One Year

September 2, 2021 was the one year anniversary of Ranger's passing. In the couple of months leading up to this anniversary I went through a difficult passage - one of reflection, disbelief, deep sadness and resurgence of many of my early feelings in this grief journey.

Ranger, though, in his true fashion, made sure that we knew he was near to us on his first Angel Day with some amazing signs that I will never ever forget. Although I felt a certain anxiety in the months leading up to the day, the actual day of his anniversary felt light, joyful and almost normal.

A week before his anniversary I rode my motorcycle out to Chicago, IL from Newton, NJ. I was scheduled to attend a motorcycle rally in the heart of Chicago and 'coincidentally', my project manager from work, Dave, and his wife were also holding a butterfly release ceremony for the victims of COVID-19 in their community in that same weekend. I was asked by Dave if I would like to have a butterfly released in memory of someone who had died this past year during the pandemic - and I told him, yes, I would like to have a butterfly released in Ranger's honor and memory.

The butterfly release ceremony was held in a park in the outskirts of Chicago. Dave and his wife Tina run a non-profit, Angel Hooves Healing Hearts, and their organization had organized this event, as well as cultivating a good portion of the butterflies to be released that afternoon. Ranger's orange monarch butterfly was neatly pressed into a cool parchment pouch. It was amazing to me that the butterfly could still be alive flattened in this way - but I was assured that the butterfly that had been kept in a freezer up until the ceremony, would warm up and be ready to fly away once released from his tiny envelope.

The ceremony included moving words from a local pastor, and a video of all the victims of COVID in the local community who were being honored that day. At the end of the video there was a montage of all the pets who had also passed away this year, including my Ranger. There were 2 larger cages with butterflies in them ready to be released after the video. The butterflies were released into the hot Chicago afternoon by a 2-time Purple Heart Vietnam Veteran, and an Angel Hooves volunteer - they ascended to the solemn sound of taps.

Each of us in attendance then individually released our butterflies. I cried as Ranger's butterfly finally escaped from the parchment and fluttered upwards and away.

The truly spectacular thing about this day was that only an hour before the release I received some text messages from my boyfriend back in Newton, NJ saying he was having this extraordinary experience with a blue monarch butterfly who had come into our campsite. He said the butterfly retraced all of Ranger's steps around the campsite, went the shower where Ranger would bath every day, then to the spot on the gravel where Ranger walked for the first time after being paralyzed for many weeks, and next to my sneakers by the chair were I would sit with Ranger for hours in our campsite. This blue monarch butterfly stayed with my boyfriend in the campsite for 2 hours. He has much of this amazing event on video. I don't have the ability to add video on this blog, but have added photo stills from the video of the blue butterfly here.

A week before Ranger passed, a beautiful blue butterfly alighted before Ranger and I lying together in our campsite and stayed with us for 20 minutes - I knew seeing that butterfly then that I was receiving a sign. I was amazed, that nearly one year later - my boyfriend was visited again by the blue butterfly and that it stayed with him for such an extraordinarily long time. My boyfriend told me after this experience that he now knew that these butterfly and insect signs I had been experiencing all year were truly real.

After Ranger's orange butterfly being released in Chicago - wherever I rode, drove or walked I would have an orange monarch butterfly fly beside me, in front of me, double back and make a beeline for me, hang out beside me for a while or fly up in front of my windshield. This went on for many weeks after his butterfly was released.

The day before Ranger's first Angel Day we closed on the purchase of a house and farm in Stillwater, NY. The timing of this closing did not escape me at all - we weren't supposed to close on this day, it was supposed to happen earlier. The fact that we closed the day before Ranger's anniversary let me know that Ranger was a part of this. I knew deep in my heart that he was actively going to be part of this next chapter in our lives. In fact many orange butterflies were around us for weeks up at our new home, Ranger wanted us to know that he was here with us in our new place.

I miss Ranger physically every day, and there is something particularly hard about the journey up to the one year anniversary. But I am convinced more and more every day that Ranger's presence continues to be with us even though we can not see him. The year anniversary was a threshold of sorts that I had to cross. It was hard in the sense that the year signified a gulf between the life I shared with him when he was alive and the life with him in spirit that is my 'new normal'. But it also signified something else - I was also a year further along in my spiritual awareness of the other side and my ability to communicate with Ranger and other souls who have passed on, I was a year further into engaging in the true purposes of my life, I was also all the more closer to seeing Ranger again when that time comes for me to cross over.

I love you Ranger. I am so grateful for you in every way, and for your continued nearness to me. I am so blessed to take this ever deepening journey with you into awareness and knowing of the dimension beyond this physical one.